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MEN - MEN'S BUSINESS

This page contains information for men about Sexual Assault and Rape. Much of the information contained here is available on the other pages but this page is directed specifically to Men and helping them to understand and deal with being raped or Assaulted.

Information for Men who are Raped/Sexually Assaulted
- What is Sexual Assault?
- What do you do if you've been assaulted?

Myths & Facts

Male Rape: A Definition

The Impact of Rape/Sexual Assault

After the Rape/Sexual Assault
- Reporting to Police
- Going to Court

Health Needs

Dealing with Sexual Assault

Further Reading

Information for Men who are Raped/Sexually Assaulted

A 28-year-old man was woken at 3 in the morning by sounds in his kitchen. Walking though the bedroom door he was hit on the head and with a knife held to his throat forced to suck his attacker's penis.

A 16-year-old was having a shower when he was assaulted by his 18-year-old brother.

A 30-year-old man after drinking at a party was offered a lift home by an acquaintance who then raped him in the car.

Few men expect to be raped but it does happen. Rape can happen to anyone at anytime and in any place. Approximately 20% of victims seen in the Victorian Centres Against Sexual Assault are males. It is a myth to say that men don’t get raped.
There are some other myths about men and rape that are widely held in the community.

What Is Sexual Assault?

In legal terms, sexual assault is any sexual contact that is against a person's will or without consent. This includes situations where force, violence, or weapons are used as well as situations where the victim is too intoxicated or scared to give consent. Sexual assault happens to men as well as women. In fact, by most estimations, 5% to 10% of sexual assaults committed in the United States involve male victims. Some experts say that as many as 1 in 8 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. These numbers may sound startling because the problem of sexual assault against men isn't talked about very much.

Sexual assault against men happens in lots of different ways. Some men are assaulted by a stranger, or a group of strangers, while others may be assaulted by someone they know. Men are sometimes sexually assaulted by women but most often they are sexually assaulted by other men. Some attackers use weapons, physical force, or the threat of force to gain the upper hand. Others may use blackmail or a position of authority to threaten someone into submission. Still others use alcohol, drugs, or a combination of both, to prevent victims from fighting back. No matter how it occurs, it is a violation of a man's body and his free will and it can have lasting emotional consequences.

What To Do After You've Been Sexually Assaulted

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Myths & Facts

There are many commonly accepted myths about male rape. These myths minimise the seriousness of the crime and the responsibility of the perpetrator. These myths also affect the way men feel about themselves when they have been assaulted and the way men are treated by other people.

MYTH: Men can't be sexually assaulted.
IN FACT: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.

MYTH: Strong men don't get raped
IN FACT: Being strong is no defence against rape. Surprise, a weapon, threats, being out numbered or frozen by fear makes fighting back impossible for most victims. The attackers are almost always men.

MYTH: Rape only happens to certain groups of men.
IN FACT: Sexual Assault is not just a problem in prisons. Nor is it limited to gay men. Males of all ages can be assaulted. Males seen in Centres Against Sexual Assault have been as young as six months old and as old as eighty years. Any man could be raped.

MYTH: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.
IN FACT: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed.

MYTH: Only gay men sexually assault other men.
IN FACT: Most men who rape others identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality -- that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

MYTH: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
IN FACT: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men can also be sexually assaulted by women.

MYTH: If it's someone you know it’s not rape
IN FACT: Your rights over your body are the same whoever is involved. Males seen in Centres Against Sexual Assault services have been raped by strangers, acquaintances, family members, teachers, colleagues, partners and others.

MYTH: Most rapists are strangers
IN FACT: Most men know who their attacker is in some way. Often she/he is well known to them. They may be a friend, neighbour, boss, or a relative, father, uncle, brother or ex-partner. They maybe a trades person or a professional, eg., a doctor, teacher, psychiatrist, police officer or a public servant.

MYTH: Rapists aren't like ordinary people
IN FACT: Most rapists are ordinary people even though stories about assaults by violent psychotic people are given a lot of space in the press and people often believe that rapists are sick or crazy.

MYTH: Some people can't rape
IN FACT: A person's sexual potency and sexual preference does not affect their ability to rape. Sexual assault can be committed by using fingers or objects such as sticks, marker pens or bottles, Young people and old people do rape young and old people.

MYTH: Men rape due to uncontrollable sexual desires
IN FACT: People can control their sexual desires, however strong, if they want to. No "desire" gives anyone the right to violate another person. In any case, rape is motivated by the desire to control, dominate, hurt and humiliate, not by sexual desire. Far from being caused by lack of control, many rapes are premeditated and well planned.

MYTH: Rape in gay couples does not exist
IN FACT: Rape in marriage or a relationship does occur. Through physical, psychological or emotional coercion some men are forced by their partners, to engage in unwanted sexual acts, including oral or anal sex. A spouse or de facto can be charged with the rape of their partner. The law recognises that a spouse is not the property of their partner, to be used sexually by them. Surely gay relationships deserve the same recognition.

MYTH: Men who are raped are scarred for life.
IN FACT: Men can and do survive sexual assault physically and emotionally and in the process, can gain strength and self-respect. This myth concerns society's tendency to blame the victim and becomes reflected in how men then feel about themselves. Men who have been sexually assaulted may see themselves as "soiled" or "damaged property". Whilst society is likely to see them as weak. Even though such attitudes are changing, men may still feel ashamed or guilty, and people may blame them for what happened. This myth is hard to break because it is so engrained in people's minds. However it can be broken.

MYTH: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.
IN FACT: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault -- this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.

MYTH: I asked for it
IN FACT: No-one ever wants or invites sexual assault. It doesn't matter what men look like, how they dress, where they go or live, how old they are, or whether they are married or not. Sexual assault is not a sexual experience. It is an act of violence that violates a man's sense of personal safety and control over his life. It is often a violent, brutal and terrifying assault which may have long-lasting effects on his physical, psychological and emotional health, whether or not it involves physical violence.

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Male Rape: A Definition

A male becomes a victim of sexual assault when he is forced to engage in unwanted sexual activity. Rape is not about sexual attraction but about the desire to overpower and hurt another person.

Even if the rape does not involve physical violence it is a violation to force anyone into physical acts that are unwanted.

Sexual assault of men is a crime. In Victoria the law defines rape as penetration of any orifice by a penis and the insertion of a penis into the mouth.

Other kinds of unwanted sexual contact include flashing and many of these acts of indecency are also against the law.

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The Impact of Rape/Sexual Assault

Being raped is an overwhelming and terrifying experience that can lead to a whole range of feelings and reactions. There are no right or wrong ways to react but you may find yourself feeling some or all of these:

Shock in the days after the assault you may feel numb or even wonder if the assault happened.

Fear being sexually assaulted can be a life threatening experience. You may find yourself being afraid of people, of being alone and of the rapist returning. Many things that seemed safe before may no longer seem that way.

Relief - at the fact that you survived the attack

Anger - can sometimes be overwhelming though this is a natural and basically healthy reaction to being assaulted. Feeling angry does not necessarily mean you have to act on your anger. There are many positive ways to deal with that anger.

Loss of identity - because being sexually assaulted takes away your control over your own body. Many men feel that part of them is wiped out.

Flashbacks - you may find at first that the assault is on your mind constantly. After a while these thoughts become flashbacks, which may be triggered by things that remind you. In time these happen less often.

Depression - there are times when men feel depressed but still think they should be over it. This is normal.

Shame - some people feel that being raped/sexually assaulted marks them or makes then dirty in some way.

Guilt - at some stage you may feel that you should have been able to prevent the assault or you are in some way to blame for what happened. This may be particularly so if you were sexually abused as a boy. The only person responsible for the abuse is the perpetrator. Nobody ever deserves to be abused.

Sleep disturbances - you may wake up at odd times, have difficulty going to sleep and have disturbing or recurrent dreams.

Sexuality - some men feel that assumptions have been or will be made about their sexuality. Heterosexual men may wonder if being raped/sexually assaulted will make them gay. Gay men may blame their lifestyle or feel they were targeted because they are gay.

Loss of sexual enjoyment - because of reminders from the rape/sexual assault and other effects of the assault, you may experience difficulties in your relationship.

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After the Rape/Sexual Assault

There are Centres Against Sexual Assault (CASA) services for victims of rape/sexual assault, their partners, and families, throughout Victoria. The CASA's provide 24 hour counselling information and medical services as well as supportive counselling for as long as you need it.

Reporting to the Police

Reporting a crime to the police is not the same as making a formal complaint. If you do not make a formal complaint the police will not take it to court. Making up your mind about this is something that only you can do. There will be good reasons for your choice whatever you decide. It will probably be helpful to talk it over with a CASA Counsellor/Advocate who can tell you about the legal process. Making a formal complaint will mean you have to make a statement. This is a detailed written account of what happened to you. Before doing this a medical examination may be done at a hospital to document any evidence of the assault. After taking a statement (you should ask for a copy) the police will investigate the matter and attempt to catch your attacker(s).

If they are caught they will be charged with one of a number of offences, which are graded categories of sexual assault. Most sexual assault offenders are given bail until court, usually on condition that they do not attempt to contact you.

You do not have to go to the police before going to a Centre Against Sexual Assault. If you report the sexual assault to the police, you should automatically be taken or directed to the nearest Centre Against Sexual Assault. These centres maintain total confidentiality, work to a Code of Practice and either the Australian Association of Social Workers, or the Australian Psychologists Societies, Code of Ethics.

Going to Court

There are two stages of court hearings. The first is called a committal hearing and is held in a local court before a magistrate. At this hearing you will have to give evidence, that is, stand in the witness box and say what happened to you. You will usually also be cross-examined by a lawyer who is defending the perpetrator. If a magistrate decides that there is enough evidence the case will be sent on to trial. If not the case will be dismissed. A trial takes place in a District Court and is heard by a judge and jury who must be satisfied beyond reasonable doubt that a crime has taken place. You will have to give evidence again at the trial. It can take some months to get a committal hearing and it is then adjourned for 3 months, before the trial. There may be more than one adjournment. If your attacker pleads guilty the process is quicker and you do not have to give evidence. If the offender is convicted he will then be sentenced. You are entitled to apply for compensation under the victims of crime assistance act, if you have made a formal report to the police.

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Health Needs

The Centre Against Sexual Assault also provides referal for medical follow-up. An important part of this is screening for sexually transmitted infections although the risk of catching one from a sexual assault is not high. You will need follow-up medical visits, 2 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks after the assault to eliminate the possibility of infection. The tests include screening for HIV, the AIDS virus. Until you receive the results of all the tests you may wish to practice safe sex, by avoiding contact in which semen, vaginal fluids or blood pass from one person to another.

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Dealing with Sexual Assault

Being raped or sexually assaulted is a traumatic experience. Sometimes it's hard to believe you are not going crazy. The effects of being raped/sexually assaulted can take many months to get over. Lots of men continue to be affected by experiences they had as children. However some things make it easier to deal with.

Don't blame yourself
Give yourself lots of time to come to terms with the assault
Don't push yourself into doing things that feel uncomfortable.
Talk about it.

This step is very important. Friends, partners or family may be important supports. Experienced counsellors in Centres Against Sexual Assault are ready to give you support for a reasonable period.

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Further Reading

Much of the material for this page has been adapted by Maxwell Clarke of South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault and Loddon Campaspe Centre Against Sexual Assault from:
- a brochure produced by NSW Department of Health, Sexual Assault Unit, 1989.
- a brochure designed and produced originally in a print version for The Counselling & Mental Health Centre at The University of Texas at Austin, and - material prepared by South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault based upon the Information for Women about Rape.

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